Sunday, 6 January 2013

How to make a fur coat fit for a king.

 First catch your bear.

Then kill it.

Skin the carcase, and then scrape off any scraps of meat or fat. You’ll find lots of fat, so you’ll have to scrape it again and again.

 Rub the underside of the pelt all over with raw brains.

 Allow it to get really smelly. This is important, because this is how you’ll know the skin is curing.

 Scrape off any brains that haven’t soaked in.

 Allow the pelt to dry, keeping it moving all the time so that it dries supple.

 Smoke the pelt over an open fire.

 Now tie the pelt round you with strips of leather, and do a twirl.

 There we are.

Majestic, or what?



  1. THIS was the bit that really made me squirm in the book. BRAINS!!Oh dear....and all that scraping of fat. And how on earth are you meant to keep the whole thing moving??? Give me M &S fake leather any day!

  2. You twist it and untwist it and wrap it round posts (if you have a post, which now I come to think about you probably haven't) and roll it up and tread on it...

    ....for hours and hours.

    Hanging it on a line on a windy day would help, too, as with towels nowadays!